Building Neurodivergent-Friendly Connection at Work

My husband's best friend is someone he met at work over twenty years ago. When we got married, we invited his whole work team to our wedding and even though he now has a new job, he still arranges regular outings with them outside of work for dinners, hikes and trips to the seaside. And I am in such awe, because I have never really been able to maintain that level of connection with anyone from my workplaces.

I've always found it really difficult to have those kinds of work friendships. Some of the reasons are that I process things much more slowly so trying to keep up in groups is a challenge. I use a lot of energy just trying to get through the day so after work events are often not accessible for me.I also often need a lot of time to recharge generally, so I miss texts in groups chats and by the time I've caught up, the conversation has moved on.

But friendship at work doesn’t always have to look like after-work drinks or group chats. For those of us that are neurodivergent, connection in professional spaces might be slower, quieter, or more unconventional — and that’s okay. I wanted to explore some gentler ways to nurture meaningful connection at work:

Start with low-pressure signals

Saying hello regularly, sharing a meme, or commenting on someone’s idea in a meeting can be a great starting point. Neurodivergent connection often builds through consistent, light interactions rather than forced small talk. Although it's also important to recognise that sometimes small talk can be helpful for some people as there is familiarity within the construct of the conversation that can be comforting, so try whatever works for you.

Find your communication rhythm

Maybe you prefer written check-ins or asynchronous conversations over impromptu calls. Let people know how you communicate best and ask how they do, too. Simple text or voice notes can be great for maintaining contact without overwhelm.

Look for values-aligned people

Seek out colleagues who respect boundaries, value neurodiversity, or just feel easy to be around. Connection doesn’t have to be instant. Sometimes, paying attention to who makes you feel calm, curious, or safe can be a brilliant place to start.

Embrace co-working opportunities

Parallel work (body doubling, co-working sessions, casual 'focus together' calls) can feel more connective than formal networking. These spaces let you be alongside someone without needing to perform.

Create space for real talk

If you have the capacity, gently open conversations around burnout, boundaries, or what support looks like. I think there are lots of people who are craving more honest connection at work.

Embrace connection that works for you

Explore what feels comfortable for you in terms of making connections. Perhaps you feel that you can be more yourself with a one-on-one coffee chat, or by blending into a larger group or where there is a structured activity like team building, or simply bonding over text. Embrace what works for you — and it's also okay if that means only connecting during working time.

If you're socially anxious, start small and safe

Social anxiety (especially when layered with masking, rejection sensitivity, or past workplace discomfort) can make connection feel risky. You’re not alone, social anxiety is something that I've struggled with my entire life but connection is still possible, even if it looks a little different.

• Anchor to shared purpose: Work gives you a built-in topic. You don’t have to start with personal stories. Sometimes connection begins by asking for someone’s input on a task or collaborating on a low-stakes project.

• Create or seek structured spaces: Join a Slack group for a shared interest, hop into an optional co-working call, or sign up for a neurodiversity employee resource group (if that's an option). Structure can lower the social stakes.

• Practice your scripts: If initiating conversation feels daunting, pre-write a few openers or replies. That could be “Hey, I liked what you shared earlier,” or “Let me know if you ever want to bounce ideas around on this.”

• Celebrate the tiny, quiet wins: You don’t have to become 'the friendly one.' Sending one kind message, showing up once to a group call, or saying "no worries" when someone apologises for a late reply — these are all real, valid acts of connection.

Remember: the goal isn’t to force connection, but to feel a bit less alone while being as much of yourself as possible.

Whether it’s in our personal lives or professional ones, the power of “you just get it” can be transformative. Sometimes, that connection starts not with loud, confident gestures — but with small, authentic moments of understanding. And being that person for someone else, even quietly, might be the most impactful connection of all.

Thinking about coaching?

I work with clients on a whole range of work based topics, including how to communicate and find connection at work.

If workplace connection is something you find challenging, you’re not alone. Figuring out workplace dynamics can be especially tough when you’re neurodivergent but support is out there.

Coaching can help you get clearer on your communication style, set boundaries that actually work for you, and build the kind of connections that feel real (not draining).

If this sounds like something that would be helpful for you, I'd love to chat. Find out more about coaching with me here.